On the other hand, I have discovered what makes women truly happy. If you pick up any women's magazine or watch any channel that is geared towards the fairer sex, the advertisements play upon the insecurities of women...both real and imagined. Yet, there is one recurring item that will make the better half of the world consistently happy.
Are we talking about marriage? Those that have walked down the aisle (including The Missus) will tell you that it is not always what it has cracked up to be.
Is it jewelry? I'm sure De Beers would like you to think so, but some of the most miserable women that I have ever known were adorned with some of the finest baubles.
Is it chocolate? Weight-gain, acne and weight-gain beg to differ.
No, we are all over-thinking this, and the answer is right in front of our faces-
That's right, salad.
You heard me, I said, "salad." Think about it for a second, every newspaper, print or TV ad depicts women in rapturous bliss with a plate of greens or fruit.
Of course, using crushed Xanax in lieu of croutons certainly helps. Take the gal above for example, she's been t*ssing that salad for six continuous hours and she's on the verge of getting carpal tunnel syndrome. This epiphany was inspired by Thehairpin.com, and they have all kinds spoofery devoted to skewing the culture of women's magazines.
4 comments:
Ah yes, tossing the salad. The Xanax croutons sound like a wonderful idea.
Dale,
I'm wondering if I could market it over the counter, and herbs and oils would compliment that particular medication. Of course if they had enough, the taste would be irrelevant.
I'm probably risking my neck letting this secret out, but well I like you and I think you should know. Without those Xanax croutons, most women are just plain pissed off about salad. I work in an office of nearly all women & about 99% of those are constantly on a diet. To them salad means they are still on a diet. Lunchtime ain't pretty. And heaven forbid someone should bring in cookies or something. It's like a feeding frenzy the likes of which has only been seen on the Discovery Channel during Shark Week. Sometimes if I'm bored, I'll hide all but one cookie & tell them all there's only one left. It can be pretty entertaining. :P
Personally, salad doesn't do it for me. Neither do diamonds or chocolate. I do get excited about a good burger or a medium-rare steak though. :)
Princess,
Wait a minute, are you saying that these ads are lying to us??? What happened to integrity in advertising?
"It's like a feeding frenzy the likes of which has only been seen on the Discovery Channel during Shark Week. Sometimes if I'm bored, I'll hide all but one cookie & tell them all there's only one left. It can be pretty entertaining."
Heh-heh-heh...
"I do get excited about a good burger or a medium-rare steak though."
You're a woman after my own heart.
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